Premature Ejaculation (PE) Primer
Over the last few years, male clients have often asked about issues that must be addressed before delving into sacred sexuality. By far, the most common topic is premature ejaculation (PE).
Standard medical definitions of PE are indeed confusing:
Primary premature ejaculation (PPE): early ejaculation within one minute following onset of intercourse.
Secondary PE (SPE): ejaculating before your partner wants you to. This open-ended, meaningless definition depends more upon your partner than you!
A few women can reach orgasm from vaginal sex in under a minute if they are already aroused; some can reach orgasm in less than five minutes on a good day; most take substantially longer.
However, 70% of women rarely or never climax during routine penis-in-vagina (PIV) thrusting unless another significant form of stimulation occurs.
Thus, SPE could signify anything from less than 2 minutes to less than 2 days. Your female partner may be unable to achieve orgasm from simple coitus no matter how long you last.
In practice, if you consistently ejaculate under the 5-minute mark, you must work on lasting longer. If you usually last more than 15 minutes but your partner rarely reaches orgasm, you both need to explore alternate means of stimulation to help her climax sooner. In all cases, working on both is essential.
Basic Premise: She Always Comes First…Helping her climax sooner can be as easy as your fingers or vibrator on her clitoris during normal sex, best done in the cowgirl or doggie positions.
Yet, often the issue is more about preparation than stimulation. Thus, work to ensure that she is fully aroused before switching to vaginal sex. This means encouraging her to teach herself to have multiple orgasms and ensuring that she has at least one orgasm before you start PIV sex.
Nearly all women can learn to have more than one orgasm in sequence, plus most women who can do this need only a few minutes between the first and second orgasm. Even women who need to stop and take a break between two clitoral orgasms can often have one clitoral orgasm, then shift immediately to PIV sex without taking a break.
So this basic approach is straightforward. If you ensure that she comes first, before starting PiV, her chances to climax again before you do are better. Moreover, even if she doesn’t, she’s far less likely to care about that if she has already had at least one orgasm for herself.
Whether she is capable of having orgasms during vaginal sex or not, simply guaranteeing that your partner gets at least as many orgasms as you do will qualify you for super stud status.
Reasons for Early Ejaculation:
•Youth: Young men tend to have more trouble than older ones.
•Inexperience: As sex becomes more routine, it is less exciting.
•Tension/anxiety: Anxiety about PE is a self-reinforcing problem (self-fulfilling prophecy)
•Shyness/lack of confidence: This always increases anxiety!
•ED: Men who fret about losing their erections may rush things.
•Genetics and temperament: Some men are just physically more sensitive; intense, excitable men can have more trouble.
•Poor masturbation habits: Habitual rapid, high intensity masturbation patterns the brain for quick orgasm.
•Bad technique: Fast, hard thrusting without pausing gives him intense stimulation but has less effect on her.
•Weak Kegel muscles: Strengthening the pelvic floor increases your control.
•Time since last ejaculation: Shorter is better.
The last point suggests refining the “she comes first” strategy if your recovery time is reasonably short. If you can achieve an erection again in 20 minutes or less since your last ejaculation, start your sexual activities by asking your partner for an oral or manual orgasm. After a short break, return the favor and then, after she has her first orgasm, segue smoothly into the PiV finale. You should last a lot longer if it’s your second time at bat in a relatively short period.
If she doesn’t enjoy manually or orally stimulating you, masturbatie once or twice before you get together. Or, ask her to cuddle with you while you masturbate at the start of sex play.
The list of causes suggests other things you can do. Use kegel exercises to strengthen your pelvic floor (PC muscles), the simplest way to boost your ejaculatory control and overall sexual performance.
Studies show that Kegel exercises improve your circulation and strengthen your erections, plus they are a proven, effective therapy for erectile dysfunction, especially for those men who struggle with premature ejaculation. In the end, strong PC muscles are associated with stronger, more intense ejaculations.
Visit here to learn how to do basic male Kegel exercises. I will urge you to work up to doing 3 sets of 25 reps daily.
Meditation and relaxation techniques…Learning to meditate helps combat anxiety and nervousness. Mindfulness meditation is ideal as it can also play a vital role in the extended arousal play of tantric sex, should you choose to experiment in that direction.
You should also learn to be conscious of your muscle tension during sex. In many cases, men reflect mental tension by tensing all their muscles. Their backs and legs are rigid, so they can’t achieve any kind of relaxed rhythm and they expend an enormous amount of energy, all of which contribute to PE.
If you find yourself doing that, learn a variety of deep breathing and relaxation techniques, like progressive muscle relaxation (easy process of first tensing, then relaxing all major muscle groups in sequence). Once you’ve done it a few times, you can do it along with your Kegels several times a day. After a few weeks, you will become far more conscious of excess tension and how to avoid it, even during sex.
Numbing Agents…For example, Ride | Rock Delay Spray, is a benzocaine-based male desensitizer, created to enhance male stamina and prolong the joy of sexual intimacy. Ride Rock, created with a 7.5% benzocaine, is a fast-acting topical desensitizer. Spray the topical anesthetic on your penis 5 minutes before, then put on a condom as you don’t want to also numb your female partner .
*Delay Condoms…Durex, Trojan and others make condoms with the numbing agent inside the condom. It saves one step.
Chemical help...Certain antidepressants clomipramine and dapoxetine can help delay orgasm. Some men also benefit from using tranquilizers and anti-anxiety medications.
Analgesics (painkillers) can men who have excessive physical sensitivity. Tramadol is known for helping men with sensitivity issues.
Better Technique…Ultimately, you want to solve PE so that you can avoid relying on pills or sprays. Along with Kegels and relaxation techniques, work on enhancing your basic sexual techniques; i.e., learn to significantly slow down during both masturbation and PiV sex.
Instead of rapid pounding, use long, slow, deep strokes to effectively help women reach orgasm during normal sex. When you pull back, pause for a second and tease her with just the penis tip inside. Then, thrust slowly and give it a kegel flip if you can!
Once you establish a basic slow rhythm, mix it up with short flurries of shorter strokes. Alternately, withdraw slowly, pause, and then thrust rapidly. The long, slow withdrawal makes your penis feel longer to your partner and fuels her anticipation of what to expect next, making the rapid in-stroke all the more intense!
Different Positions…Explore different angles and positions. As a rule, any position creating pressure between your pubic bone and her clitoris feels awesome, especially if you rock or grind your bodies together instead of normal thrusting.
If a position allows it, move your pelvis sideways or in a circle when you have your penis inserted almost, but not all the way, inside. This causes your penile shaft to press sideways on different parts of the vaginal entrance, the most sensitive part, while making the tip move around inside her, pressing against different parts of the vaginal wall.
This sideways stretching with the internal pulses of pressure can stimulate many women in ways they never experience during ordinary thrusting. Meanwhile, as you experience little friction on your penis, this is your rest and recovery period, the ideal way to get her caught up with you or a bit ahead.
Some men also find that their partners can reach orgasm faster and more effectively in the cowgirl position. If she’s on top, she can control the angle and speed of insertion and withdrawal, rocking or grinding or the sideways or circling motion herself. When in this position, either one of you can also use fingers or a vibrator on her clitoris to boost her arousal and maximize her chances for an orgasm.
Most woman can maximize their own pleasure in this position while not driving you over the edge. If she’s unsure about what to do, ask her to consider the woman on top, sex in the Cowgirl position.
Stopping Orgasm…Other proven methods to delay ejaculation:
•Squeeze the blood out of the head of the penis for 30 seconds.
•When the cremaster muscle pulls the testicles up against the base of the penis, tug the scrotum and testes down again, away from the penis.
•Like pushing out a bowel movement, but more gently.
•Clamp your PC (Kegel) muscles as hard as you can for 15-30 seconds.
•Use your fingertips to poke the mid perineum area where you can feel a small depression.
*You do the Push and the Clench. The other three can be done by you or your partner.
Note that Poke can result in retrograde ejaculation (semen going back into bladder) and damage the male reproductive system. Further, hitting the exact spot is tough; even when it does work, a retrograde ejaculation is an ejaculation. It doesn’t matter where the semen goes, it still leads to a normal loss of erection, so it has no value in extending normal sex or creating multiple orgasms.
The Squeeze Technique, the most reliable therapy for PE, was developed by Masters & Johnson. Basically, this desensitization method depends on getting aroused and maintaining the arousal for an extended period, but backing off whenever you get too close to orgasm.
The Squeeze is the recommended PE therapy in many sex therapy programs. Basically, it requires you to pull out when you feel you’re approaching the point of no return. You or your partner should then squeeze the head of your penis, pressing much of the blood out of the head and the upper part of the shaft and holding it for at least thirty seconds, or until the urgency subsides.
It works if you do it, but it works better if your partner is willing to do the squeezing for you. If the two of you do this several times during lovemaking, over the course of several months, your urgency and sensitivity will be reduced so that you can last longer and longer.
Full body massage…The squeeze technique works best if your female partner does this during a lingam massage (FBSM that ends with a deliberately extended genital massage with oral).
Her goal is to keep you aroused as long as possible without letting you tip over the edge, while you remain totally passive and physically relaxed and use focused meditation to expand the area of arousal.
If you get too close to the brink, she can use the squeeze to pull you back.
As a prelude to sex, perform a full body massage as it calms and relaxes while at the same time gradually arousing you. This breaks the unconscious link between sexual arousal and anxiety.
By remaining passive, consciously relaxing your muscles, and focusing internally on sensation, you avoid tensing up, which delays orgasm. All you need is time and a creative, willing partner with a fabulous sense of humour.
Tantric Sex Model: Take a hot shower or long, relaxing bubble bath. Meditate and do progressive muscle relaxations. After, ask your partner for a relaxing full body massage, with close attention to any tense muscles. Consciously keep your muscles relaxed as she starts a low intensity manual stimulation of your lingam along with oral sex.
As your arousal increases, ask her to use the 30-second squeeze every few minutes, as needed. During later therapy sessions, she can gradually extend the intervals as your stamina increases.
During that session, if you reach your target goal for endurance, she can boost the intensity to help you finish. Alternatively you can switch places for a while and culminate with normal coitus if you both so desire.
Happily, with enough practice of the squeeze method, most women can keep their male partner with a severe case of PE at full arousal for 30-45 minutes. Men, this can lead to some truly awesome full-body orgasms. Once you learn to last that long under her attentive care, you can enjoy far more control during normal coitus.
Male Multiple Orgasms...One alternative is learning to have “drygasms.” Young boys can have multiple orgasms without losing their erections. They only lose this ability when they reach semenarche and start to ejaculate (age 12) at which point most forget how to have orgasms without ejaculating. Some boys, however, learn to do both and continue to be able to control which kind of orgasm they want to have.With effort and tantric training, men can re-learn how to do this. Then, you can have as many dry orgasms as you want, and finish with a regular orgasm when you are ready to stop. Thus, you can go as long as your partner desires!